six feet under the stars

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 17:58:35 GMT

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So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me of the edge
My feet run out of the ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear myself
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy
Just wanna be happy.

I'm triggerhappy noww! It's 3hrs to waking up and 6 hours plus to my flight to Hongkong! And i'm taking SIA there. My mom is v excited because she has never taken SIA in her entire life. hahaha!

I'm 80% packed! Doing mental checklist as i looked upon my luggage. I have the i-think-forgot-to-bring-something-but-dont-know-what-it-is kind of feeling. I know everyone has that feeling before they fly off. I wish i could bring my whole house. That way, i could have everything without worrying that i forgot something. I wish i was a snail. Whole house strapped to the back. hahhaa.

Another happy thing. Had Macs breakfast with Baybay. We talked alot and shared alot and ate alot. hahahhaa. It was very fun dissing boys. hahahah!

Somehow i cant wait to go to Hongkong, and can't wait to be back.

I love Christmas. Love everything about Christmas. It makes me really happy! heeheee

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:39:04 GMT

I hope one day you'll grab hold of me tight, before i slipped away to someone else.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 17:34:58 GMT

I like this:

" I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy that we need to get through everything that we seem to get into, whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. But in the 24th hour, I realize I’ve been thinking about you for 23 hours. There’s something about you I can’t stay away from. Something about you, that makes me want to love you. "

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:47:25 GMT

Another post for the night.

#1: I'm bored and I can't get to sleep and I've been thinking about the stuff that happened the past few days.

#2: My luggage is not packed and I am leaving in 2 days time. I have no idea how many sets of clothes to bring and my clothes are not ironed. I'm still weighing out the options of which bag i should bring along - backpack, sling bag or topshop bag. ( i know i worry about the wrong kind of things)

#3: I think i haven ate a scoop of ice cream since before the exams. And thats like close to 2 months ago. I never knew i could tahan that long. I am still currently craving for it now. For some reasons, i never got down to buying. Tomorrow.

#4: I just ate 6 cocktail sausages for supper and i loved it.

#5: I have a $70 kinokuniya voucher to spend on by tmr and i haven research on which books to get.

#6: I think i will force Marcus to have soup spoon for dinner tmr because it's another craving that has not been satisfied.

#7: Finally we are going to play badminton tmr and i hope we can play rockband after @ sherm's place! I hope sherman reaches on time with my racket. But i highly doubt it.

#8: I received my first x'mas card a week ago! And it was sweet. Thanks nette (:

#9: I wish i could be in Singapore to spend x'mas with you. I hope you don't spend it alone ):

#10 I have a feeling i am going to be round and fat and chubby when i get back from Hongkong.

#11: Why isnt the paperback version of "Have a little faith" by Mitch Albom not out yettt! The hardcover is so expensive.

#12: I'm itching to buy some threadless teeees! It's $10 for this weeek!!

#13: I'm just staying up to make myself tired so that i can have a good deep sleep which i haven't had for awhile. ):

#14: And i think this is so cutee! :D

GOODNIGHT!

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:25:01 GMT

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I never knew the meaning to this song until i saw the whole lyrics just 10 mins ago. All this while, i was just singing along in my dad's car - it's one of my dad's usual jukebox songs - without knowing the right lyrics. Singing words that makes sense to the ears. It's quite a sad song ah and i still can sing happily in the car without knowing. hahaaha Wrong kind of emotions man. Poor sally. I don't think the guy will get over Alice and she'll never be acknowledged by him. She'll not get her chance. ):

i wish you would love me too.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:58:31 GMT

If you want my sympathy,
Just open your heart to me,
And you'll get whatever you'll ever need.
You think that's too high for you,
Oh baby, I would die for you,
When there's nothin' left,
You know where I'll be.

Lay back in the arms of someone,
You give in to the charms of someone,
Lay back in the arms of someone you love.
Lay back in the arms of someone,
When you feel you're a part of someone,
Lay back in the arms of someone you love.

So baby just call on me,
When you want all of me,
And I'll be your lover I'll be your friend.
And there's nothing I won't do,
'Cause baby I just live for you,
With nothing to hide, no need to pretend

Lay back in the arms of someone,
You give in to the charms of someone,
Lay back in the arms of someone you love - darling,
Lay back in the arms of someone,
When you feel you're a part of someone,
Lay back in the arms of someone you love.

Oh I know you think that's too high for you,
Oh baby, I would die for you,
When there's nothing left, I'll be with you.

Lay back in the arms of someone,
You give in to the charms of someone,
Lay back in the arms of someone you love - baby,
Lay back in the arms of someone,
When you feel you're a part of someone,
Lay back in the arms of someone you love - oh yeah

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:54:03 GMT

Taken from PostSecret :

This made me LOL!

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 10:04:26 GMT

We could be really happy and blissful
if he had "feelings" for me.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:52:57 GMT

Some people are so lucky and they don't even know it.
And others wish that they had such luck.

Will my turn ever comes?

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 15:03:24 GMT

Taken from sarah's:

To me, “Fearless” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that some day things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say, “you’re not sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.

- Taylor Swift

I hate that person that came between.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:24:28 GMT

I miss just hanging out with you.
Just the two of us.
Where nobody else mattered.
):

Now i know why people binge eat when they are upset.

How the heart and mind clashes.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:57:14 GMT

Bus rides used to be my favourite thing
Bus rides have the perfect setting of looking out of the window and pretending that you are in a music video while thinking about the boy who makes you smile.
Bus rides used to take my mind of things
Bus rides are the best time to be alone with music.

Bus rides are not my favourite thing now
Bus rides reminds me of how lonely i am. (cos all you want is a shoulder to lie on)
Bus rides have the perfect setting of looking out of the window and pretending that you are in a music video while letting those tears roll.
Bus rides are the only time the shuffle mode starts to play emo songs. (weird!)
.

Heart: I love bus rides and i will never deviate away from bus rides.
Mind: But maybe, walking or taking the train once in a while would be better.

Does anybody knows that even the strongest person has his weak moments.
I'm scared.
Being strong is hard. ):
And you are not here beside me.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 04:28:06 GMT

The funny thing you asked yourself,

"Why does he still go after her after all the hurt and pain she caused him, is he stupid or what?"

Then you realise: Aren't you doing the same thing too?!?!

Sillybillies.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:42:38 GMT

If God grants me one question - any question with a guaranteed and satisfied answer, I would ask:

"Why did you arrange for me to fall in love with someone that i can't have? Isnt that really unfair to me?"

Okay, make that 2 questions!

How you make my heart go weak for you.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:14:39 GMT

I'm dooomed.
I never had such a feeling for anyone other than you before.
I never felt so sad inside. The strange emptiness!
The longing feeling.

I hate it when that happens!
Makes you wanna cry.
(actually i did, on the walk home)
I thought i was strong enough to hold on.
But when i saw you today, i can't help but to want to hold you close to me.
(It's like the Timmy Thomas song: "Dying inside to hold you")
And i know it's not right.
I held back.
and it kills inside.

Today happens to be my weak day. It won't happen again.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 17:20:38 GMT

It's the time of the semester again. Choosing modules can be such a bitch sometimes. Next semester's econs modules are pretty interesting. Cept' that the timings for lectures and exams are disgusting. It's a tradeoff. It's either you do a relatively okay module and end the exams real early or do something interesting and end late. HOW? I want to do Modern economy of china, asean economics, developmental and global economic dimension of singapore. Not really keen on industrial (but this mod ends early). And i only have the capacity to take 3 econs modules. HOW NOW BROWN COW?? sigh.

Hate making decisions like this.

ANYWAY, exams are finally over! I am not going to think about how awful i did until the day when they release the results. SO yes, i am going to just do the things that i like and meet people that i love and miss. And I'm going to exercise. I am getting fatter and fatter by the fucking day. :\

But i am still so looking forward to HONGKONG and carrot cakes and dim sum. WEEEE!

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:39:45 GMT

If i could take all the pain you are feeling away, i would.
If there's a way to tell you that i wont go close to hurting you, i would.
If only there's a way to turn you normal back again.

"Unrequited love's a bore
And I've got it pretty bad
But for someone you adore
It's a pleasure to be sad"

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 14:39:00 GMT

I hereby declare that:

#1 I don't want anymore gloomy sky like tonight or last night. I don't want to have a dark cloud over my head whenever i walk around. I don't want to pull long faces and feel like the world owes me.

#2 I wont show any more attitude towards him and no more sarcastic remarks. I thought saying those remarks will hurt him and i thought it might make me feel better - to let him know how hurt i was. But i guess i was being selfish and mean. It didn't make things any better, it made it worse. Much worse. And it hurts even more saying it to him. So i am going to stop. It's not worth throwing 4 years of good friendship.

#3 I will try to make my world a better place. I want clear night skies and pretty stars. I will try my best to add new bright stars to my night sky.

#4 I want to smile and feel liberated.

#5 I want to let go and move on. (All these signs - it's God's way of telling me to do that)

#6 I want to be strong mentally and emotionally. I need to take control of my emotions.

#7 I want to repair the friendship that i was responsible for breaking.

#8 I want to feel loved again.

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:18:50 GMT

i wish you would call

The thought of that reminded me when we were studying for A levels. How we would study together at our fav place - bishan library - in the day, queuing up outside the library at 10am and rushing up to the 3rd level for seats. Eating at our "fav" s11 coffee shop and eating at his "fav" wanton mee stall and chicken rice too.
And at night, i would study real hard because i know his call or his messages would always be a treat that leaves me smiling till the next morning i see him again. Those were the days i treasure the most. I would give up anything to have that back again. To be honest, i don't even know if he remembers those times.

Exam periods are the worst for me. The bulk of stress is simply too much to take and he's always around to make it better ever since year one, sem one. He would drop me texts and msges to check on me, to ask how am i coping, to ask how was my paper, to wish me all the best or simply just asking how was my day. Sounds sweet? It is. And here comes this sem, those texts and msges stopped, and i miss all of it and it made me realise how i took it for granted and never knew dealing all these stress on my own is THAT difficult. Me having the every urge to call and vent the frustration of exams or maybe just telling him about my day.

But i don't dare. I don't know whether is it appropriate now. I don't know if he wants to hear me. So i wish he would call. I wish he could give up a few minutes of his time talking to the girl and call me.

Call to say hello, you are not forgotten.

This post is for you, nette kwok!

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:59:13 GMT

Hello strangers who comes here, that small boy is called Ethan! The boy i was talking about in one of my previous post! He looks much cuter than he looks on the pic!

To Nette: He finally changed his swimming attire! No more loose loose oversized diving suit that sinks him! He got a new pair of trucks that has a cute picture of a whale at the buttt! More macho looking! When he came to the pool, he was wearing a bathrobe ok! So damn cute! He was damn shy pleasee! haha We kept teasing him cos he exposed so much flesh for the first time. lol. He still looks cuter in googles and cap. :D

That everyone, is my saturday treat!

The small little satisfaction you get when you see those small kids improving with every step.
Much more fulfilling than investing in stupid dumb relationships and emotions.

Look at the stars, see how they shine for you.

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 15:45:31 GMT

Before i was 18, i never had the habit of looking up at the sky when it was dark. I paid no attention to the stars or the moon.

And then when i was 18, Somebody made me notice the beauty of the stars. He taught me that stars can only be seen when the sky is clear and pitch dark. We used to talk stuff related to the stars. He used to tell me the stars he saw in Aust when he was 17. I painted a nice picture of meteor showers and shooting stars in my head, hoping one day i will be able to see what he saw.

Now, at 21, i have cultivated the habit ever since, of looking up at the stars and gazing upon those i spot blinking and calling out to me. I have attached a significant meaning to the stars i see - thinking if he's seeing the same one as i am. Does he stop and notice the stars too?

And today, while walking on the same route home from the bus stop, i made the conscious effort to look up at the clear dark sky. It was a pretty sight, with stars scattered here and there.

Except, i wasn't with the somebody that taught me to look at the stars.

SIGH.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:30:53 GMT

HATE EXAMS.
(trying to be strong, but on the verge of breaking down)
i have poor stress management.
fuck.

3 days felt like fucking 3 weeks.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:05:46 GMT

Dear God,

I was just wondering if you have any plans to make me feel important, mattered, appreciated, special or lets just say, happy? Cos if you do, i think you have left me out of the equation. I haven been feeling any of those recently. I may be small and unseen, but i just want to let you know that I'm still here, waiting. I hope you notice me soon. No pressure!

Love, Sam.

Bad dream = nightmare?

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 11:32:28 GMT

I just had an afternoon nap and i had this dream. I have this weird good memory of remembering my dreams (It's not a good thing by the way). If i were to remember a particular dream, it will be stuck with me the entire day or till the next time i fall asleep again. Yes, i remembered the most recent fresh dream from an hour ago. It's bugging me cos it's not a good dream and it sucks if it really comes true. D:

At 9.33pm, it's so hard to stop thinking of you and wondering how you are ):

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 17:55:41 GMT

I miss us at 18.